Funny, happiness, Life, marriage

Sometimes You Just Need To Run Away And Be A Moose Farmer in Canada

To be clear, I didn’t ACTUALLY do it.  But I was definitely fantasizing about it pretty much all of last week.  This happens a lot less than it used to, and actually the fantasy has changed from being a pastry chef in Paris to moose farming in Canada. As I get older I think I’m just more practical with my fantasies.  I mean, lets be real here.  I’m never going to be baking or cooking anything anytime soon.  Moose farming in Canada though- very possible.  Very practical fantasy I must say.  (I think I should get a gold star for that one).

Anyway, where does this need to run away from the world stem from you may ask.  Well it used to be from work, but now I’ve just made peace with work in that it’s always going to feel crazy but crazy is the new normal and I’m just accepting it.  No.  This time it’s from this thing people tend to call RELATIONSHIPS. Oh god.  Yes.  Relationships.  Apparently people have them.  And I avoided it for the longest time and I avoided it right into getting married.  I mean planning a wedding now. Which is basically the route to mental instability.  AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET.  I think both of us hate this whole planning process.  Hence we both hate talking about it.  Except I still try to talk about it.  And then blam.  Terrible – ness.  And I want to run away and be a moose farmer in Canada.  Literally I was thinking…well…if we never get married then we never have to deal with this shit.  Hmmm….What if we just never get married? Can we swing that? Forever? And then the rational part of me was like…Anu.  Seriously.  REALLY?! WHY ARE YOU OVERREACTING HERE?!

So what was going on in real life during this whole time I was weighing all of these possibilities and planning my life around being a moose farmer in Canada? Lots of crying.  Mostly just me being upset and future husband not knowing why and me just being like I DON”T KNOW WHY I”M CRYING BUT I FEEL BUTT-HURT AND YOU PROBABLY DID SOMETHING WRONG BUT I”M NOT SURE WHAT  IT IS YET LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY BAG OF CHIPS AND TRASHY TELEVISION GOD DAMNIT!!!! This went on for a few days.  Until finally I did some research and actually found videos explaining these weird emotions I was experiencing.  I like how I need to go to YouTube to find videos to explain my emotions. To myself. While I binge watch terrible television and eat lots of chips.  This is the process, what can I say.

Anyway. And then I sent said videos to man friend and was like..yes.  This is what I was feeling all last week.  THIS.  (If you are ever in said situation where you think your partner did something wrong because you’re really pissed and angry after they said something but you can’t really figure out why and they keep asking what they did and you can’t pinpoint exactly what it is BUT YOU KNOW THEY DID SOMETHING please refer to these YouTube videos: Why we pick difficult partners and Why We Go Cold On Our Partners).

Totally a thing.  And so now I feel better.  I mostly like my life right now.  I do need to shower, but other than that I’m pretty happy.  But also totally fleshing out this Moose farming thing.  In case this shit actually needs to happen.  I probably need some fake identities.  Need to get on that.

Anyway, happy Saturday folks.


When Your Parents Don’t Believe You’re Engaged.

First of all, who in the hell would lie about something like that.  I mean really.  It’s not exactly something that would play out well for me.  Oh we’re engaged.  When’s the wedding?  When can we meet the guy? Oh…you were just messing with us? Those pictures of your “boyfriend” you’ve been sending us for the past 2 years have been photoshopped? You mean you HIRED someone to go on vacation with you and your cousins last month? You mean you’ve been making up this elaborate ruse about this guy named “Sumit” for the past 2 years?

I KNEW IT.  Called it.

Seriously.  WTF PEOPLE.

Ok ok I will say that yes we don’t exactly have a traditional story.  Did we decided to get married over a Whatsapp conversation in between, “Hey, I think someone might be suing me” and, “Oh that sucks. Yeah I was looking at our credit card debt. Not fun. We should talk about that. You know what else? We should get married. Yeah? Good idea, no? But also, we should really talk about our financial planning I’m just saying.”

Yes. That did happen.

And luckily Whatsapp invented the “Reply To” feature, so it is very clear that he was saying yes not to the financial planning conversation but the lets get married conversation. But still.


Another thing could just be that my parents do not believe that I would actually be getting married.  To a human man.  I think maybe my mom is in shock and my dad is in denial.  Either way it ends with the same conclusion.  YOU’RE NOT ENGAGED.

The best part was when I asked, ok.  When do YOU think I’m engaged.  They had no idea.  Some ideas that were thrown around were…when you get a ring.  Another one was…maybe when they meet his family.  All very vague here.  Nothing concrete.

Which begs the question.  WTF are people going on about with engagements and rings and things.  Lets just be married and get on with it.

Except parties. We should have a party.  Mainly because…I mean, who doesn’t like a good time.  If we want to call that a “wedding”…fine.  That’s cool.  Lets do that.

But this whole situation is very perplexing.  I’m just saying.




Feminism, marriage

How I Got Engaged

I think a lot of people don’t believe I’m engaged because I don’t have a ring.  Which, let me tell you, has blown my mind.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE jewelry.  Especially the big, bling-y kind.  (Sumit, if you are reading this, you are always always always allowed to get me jewelry.  This is me being subtle about it.  In fact, in an attempt for me to be subtle about this, let me put a link to the current rings I’m obsessing over – see here for reference).

Anyway glad I got that out of the way.  Oh wait.  Another thing. I LOVE SURPRISES.  I mean, obviously the good kind.  Not the terrible kind.  Like oh yeah your car got stolen.  That’s a shitty surprise. Or oh the food you thought you had in the fridge which you were going to eat for lunch has fungus on it and it’s not even small enough to just cut off and eat the rest of it (don’t judge- you know you do that too).  All very shitty surprises.  Not a fan of those.  (Also, note to Sumit, if you are reading this, you are ALWAYS allowed to give me good surprises.  Like oh I wrote a song for you or oh we’re going on this amazing vacation or…you know.  Whatever.  I won’t limit your creativity here).

So now that I’ve established my love of good surprises and bling-y rings, I still don’t understand why a combination of both of those is necessary to get engaged.  Literally society doesn’t believe you’re engaged if you don’t have both of those things.  WHY IS THAT?!  If two people decide hey, lets spend the rest of our lives together, why isn’t that enough? Do you have to give a ring to your best friend to ensure you’re both going to be best friends forever? I mean yes, we did that as 90’s children, but beyond the 5th grade, are we still into that stuff?

If a woman is really impatient and is like god why aren’t we married yet what is WRONG WITH YOU and then she is in the US and her boyfriend is in India and then she just Whatsapps him and says hey I think we should get married, will you marry me, I think it’s a great idea, and he’s like…yeah.  That’s a good idea lets do it.  Why isn’t that enough? That may or may not have been how this engagement happened.  And then I asked if that means we’re engaged, and then he’s like…you really want this to be how we’re engaged and I said no, but secretly I”m like…who the F cares as long as we move this thing along?!  (Sumit, again, please see the above- if you REALLY want to actually propose to me PLEASE FEEL FREE ESPECIALLY IF IT INVOLVES BLING, but again, I’m KIND of over it so maybe you can just throw me a surprise birthday party or something.  I don’t know.) But anyway.

That’s kind of how it happened.  But it is important to note that I did meet his dad and he bought me these BEAUTIFUL earrings that are pretty much worth more than my net worth right now (which is not saying much since I currently have $30 in my bank account but still).  And he was super duper nice.  Except I couldn’t say much because I didn’t speak all that much Hindi, and he didn’t speak that much English, but still.  He was really awesome.

And our families are meeting at the end of December which is pretty cool.  To figure out how this wedding is going to happen.   Which will be REALLY interesting because….well….lets just say my part of India is very different from his part of India.  Which, to be fair, should make for really interesting content.

AND thus begins a new saga.

humor, marriage

#TheMarriageChronicles : Things You Should Never Ask Your Mother

When you are of a marriageable age, there are certain things that you should never ask your poor mother. Not for any other reason other than you don’t want to induce an early onset heart attack.

If you find out your parents have saved a few gold coins for your wedding jewelry, which now equates to a small fortune that can buy me a 1 BHK condo in Utah.  Never should you ever ask if you can melt the gold, buy a place in Salt Lake City, and wear wood jewelry for your (not yet planned, not yet having a groom) wedding.  Your mother won’t dignify it with a response. Only leave the room with a more than slightly constipated face.

If you find out your family is trying to mortgage their house for your (not yet planned, not yet having a groom) wedding. Never should you ever ask if you can take that money and invest it your friends startup. Which is currently doing 3 crore in turnover. And when you try to argue that hey, at least you know that this has a chance of return, just expect your mother to look like you just stabbed her in the appendix. Or saw Jesus rise from the grave and proclaim that George W. Bush is the savior of humanity.

If you find out your family is trying to put your profile on to find you a good husband. Never should you ask if you can add a box specifying “ok with pre-nup”.  And when you try to argue that you know, you can never be too careful these days and 49% of Americans get divorced, just saying, she will look at you like you just told her you have 3 butt cheeks. Or that pork, it is decreed, is actually a vegetable.

Just a heads up. In case you were wondering.


#TheDatingDiaries : Partner In Crime

Adding to the list of things I am terrible at, lets list down this concept of “dating”.  I am the first to admit that if you had to list all of my strengths, this would be a distant last (I would even say “maid/cleaner” is currently rated higher in my life at this point, and that’s saying something given the usual state of my room.)

There’s a lot of excuses I could make here, but I think for once I’m going to assume responsibility.  I recently came to the realization that the whole concept of having another person in my life terrifies the crap out of me.  Like no joke, makes me want to pee in my pants, I would probably rather eat cockroaches at this point than try to understand this concept of “dating”, terrified.

So of course, as soon as I know something terrifies me, I HAVE TO DO IT.  But I can’t do something unless I know why it’s useful.  Bloody hell, me and my need to understand the big picture.  So I have been thinking a lot about it.  Why would I want this?

I don’t believe in the phrase “You Complete Me”. Damn that Tom Cruise.  It makes me want to vomit and I think it’s so incredibly off base that it makes me want to cry my eyeballs out.  That’s just glorified codependency, divorce waiting to happen ish.  I just don’t believe people are born incomplete.  Unless you don’t have a kidney or something.  And even then you can get a transplant.  But point is, I don’t want to start with the premise that we are born incomplete, waiting for something to come our way, because it just doesn’t make sense to me.  So that train of thought was out right from the get go.

Love.  I believe in it.  But not really in the grand gestures, sweeping you off your feet sort of way.  I really believe that it’s one of the most important things in life, it comes in all shapes and sizes, and it’s something to strive for.  I also think romantic love is something you have to work at.  Like all good things in life.  And I just don’t think it happens overnight.  I also don’t think it should take 25 years (unlike the premise of arranged marriage), but you know. I’m not exactly sure what that number is for me, but right now it’s between overnight and 25 years.  Small range.

Sex.  It’s a good thing.  And it’s different for different people.  The commoditization of sex over the past 30 years makes me a bit sad.  I mean it’s cool, and super feminist, but I think now, sometimes, we’re not allowed to have a differing opinion about it (and wasn’t the point of feminism, the idea of choice?) Unfortunately or fortunately, I’m in the camp of, if I’m not in love, I just can’t have sex. I mean I physically can, but I don’t want to.  I can’t bring myself to do it.  And I have been dumped because of it, (how do I know, because they straight up told me) but hey.  That’s just what I believe.  Not in a judgmental, this is how it needs to be sort of way, just more in a, this is the only way I know how to be and I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t live like this sort of way.

Partner in Crime.  I love this phrase.  Not only because I think that’s what Beyonce and Jay Z are (and I’m obsessed with them) but because this is what I have realized is what I want.  A partner in crime.  I truly believe that when 2 people (NOT incomplete, but whole people) come together, really amazing things happen.  I’ve seen that happen at our startup.  That’s when I became a believer.  When I witnessed that magic happen.  And that’s when I started thinking, wow.  What if that was the point of a partner for life? To be your partner in crime? For all the grand master plans that both of you have, Bonnie and Clyde style, making them happen and creating this wonderful thing called a life together?  And then with that Partner in Crime, adding the benefits of love, sex, shared experiences, memories, bun masala, friends, family, the kitchen sink, (kids?!), man.  That’s insane.  That’s something worth working towards.  The possibilities are endless, and really really inspiring.

I think that’s something worth having.  A partner in crime, that you love, and share the good things in life with.

Too bad I’m still effing terrible at this whole “dating” thing.  I have a lot of hard work ahead of me.  But at least I have some motivation.

Le Sigh.   So much to work on. So little time.

happiness, marriage, relationships

#TheDatingDiaries : Online Dating is the Modern Equivalent of Arranged Marriage

If you think about it, I think that’s what it really is.  I mean, it’s two people that would have normally probably never met, coming together for a common stated purpose (hey lets see if there’s anything to this), and committing to try their hardest to make it work.

It doesn’t surprise me that 1/3 of the marriages that happen in the US started from couples meeting online.  You know what you want, go and find other people who want the same thing (and instead of caste or last name, prospects are filtered by common interests and life goals)

And although online dating has the walk out clause (unlike arranged marriage) maybe you get the same benefits.  Maybe this is the new way to meet really great people who you try to make it work with, but for some reason or other, it just doesn’t work out.  No fault of either party.

Maybe this is a way to continue filling my favorite BFF category from college: The “I Love You, But I Could Never Date You” category

As you get older, maybe this is the new way just to meet your new best friends.

Some food for thought

Happy Tuesday



I’m Sorry But I REALLY Don’t Want To Be Married by 25

I am pretty sure success, for Indian parents, is having a daughter married by 25.  I know this because it’s what my dad told me when he came to visit me this weekend.  Of course, a passive aggressive/sardonic argument ensued (because that’s the type of relationship my dad and I have), and we both were left angry, upset and probably hurt too.

Completely random tangent: But I find it somewhat ironic and hypocritical that Indian parents, who push education and academic excellence to no end, define ultimate success for women by things that require absolutely no intelligence, skill, or thought whatsoever.  And in many cases, those same things we worked so hard to master actually work against us.

I know there are a lot of people who, deep down, really do want to be married by the age of 25, and that is fantastic.  I absolutely see merits in that life choice, and I am very happy for those in that situation.  And the thing is, contrary to what anyone might think, I do see where my parents are coming from.  How is it not good to find someone to spend the rest of your life with?  Marriage at its best is amazing.  How is not wonderful to have someone to grow with, and share life with?  And starting a family is the next big frontier- I know a lot of people say that having kids is the best thing they ever did.  I don’t actually disagree with anything they are saying.

What frustrates me is that they don’t try to understand where I am coming from, and more importantly, believe I could actually be right

Lets say I do get married right now.  Then what happens?  Some would argue that nothing changes- you can still discover, explore, and live your dreams.  Maybe the argument is that I shouldn’t get married to someone who wouldn’t let me do that anyway.  Fine.

But here’s the thing- at the end of the day, I have someone else I have to think about.  I would be a selfish and awful person if I didn’t take what that other person said into account.  You know how amazing it was to just be able to decide to pick up and move to India?  I didn’t have anyone to answer to, didn’t have to consult anyone, or really have anyone or anything holding me back.  Giving away most of my belongings and just moving to India was one of the most liberating things I have done.

Here’s the other thing- I think my parents are scared that I will never want to settle down.  They are scared that I will always have things that I want to do and accomplish in life, and will never want to get married.  And maybe they’re right.  But maybe a lot of those other things I want to do can be done with someone else.  I mean, I actually think a lot of those things are done better with another person.  So yes, I do want to be married at some point.  But that point is not now.

Because at the end of the day, I think that theres a time and place for everything.  Right now, I want to start a company and make it work.  It’s not some abstract thing I have been meditating on- it has a start date and a (potential) end date within the next few years.  It’s very, very real.  It’s something I’ve wanted to do since I was a little kid.  I mean, how many people can say they are doing exactly what they wanted to be doing since they were a small child?  This is not someone else’s dream I’m living, it’s mine.  And honestly, even if I found someone who shared my same dream and wanted to pursue it with me, I really don’t want to share. Why can’t I have something that is completely and solely mine?   Is that so selfish? Let me have this one thing of my very own, and then I will be ready to settle down- then I will be ready to share.  Promise.

And the baby argument?  Not being able to have children?  I don’t live my life with regret, period.  If the choice is between concretely pursuing my dreams right now and potentially not being able to have children in some version of future reality, then I am ok with that.  I am ok with not being able to have my own children (if that’s the best reason anyone can come with to get married right now).  I can’t know what I will feel like at 35 or 40. There’s absolutely no way to do that.  All I know is that I have learned never to live with regret, and never look back.  I have made my choice and I will be happy with it.  Because I am pursuing something real, right now, that makes me happy.  And that’s just how I live my life.

Honestly, I don’t know how you “try to get married”.  That was what upset my dad the most. He said I wasn’t trying hard enough to get married.  I tried to understand where he was coming from, and this is what I understood: I am not married because I don’t want to be married.  I guess his argument is the power of positive thinking.

Well then, if that’s the case, then that’s absolutely true- I am not married because I don’t want to be married.  But by that argument, in a few years, when I DO want to be married, I will just positively think my way into a wedding, now won’t I?

For some reason, he was not so fond of that argument.