Funny, happiness, Life, marriage

Sometimes You Just Need To Run Away And Be A Moose Farmer in Canada

To be clear, I didn’t ACTUALLY do it.  But I was definitely fantasizing about it pretty much all of last week.  This happens a lot less than it used to, and actually the fantasy has changed from being a pastry chef in Paris to moose farming in Canada. As I get older I think I’m just more practical with my fantasies.  I mean, lets be real here.  I’m never going to be baking or cooking anything anytime soon.  Moose farming in Canada though- very possible.  Very practical fantasy I must say.  (I think I should get a gold star for that one).

Anyway, where does this need to run away from the world stem from you may ask.  Well it used to be from work, but now I’ve just made peace with work in that it’s always going to feel crazy but crazy is the new normal and I’m just accepting it.  No.  This time it’s from this thing people tend to call RELATIONSHIPS. Oh god.  Yes.  Relationships.  Apparently people have them.  And I avoided it for the longest time and I avoided it right into getting married.  I mean planning a wedding now. Which is basically the route to mental instability.  AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET.  I think both of us hate this whole planning process.  Hence we both hate talking about it.  Except I still try to talk about it.  And then blam.  Terrible – ness.  And I want to run away and be a moose farmer in Canada.  Literally I was thinking…well…if we never get married then we never have to deal with this shit.  Hmmm….What if we just never get married? Can we swing that? Forever? And then the rational part of me was like…Anu.  Seriously.  REALLY?! WHY ARE YOU OVERREACTING HERE?!

So what was going on in real life during this whole time I was weighing all of these possibilities and planning my life around being a moose farmer in Canada? Lots of crying.  Mostly just me being upset and future husband not knowing why and me just being like I DON”T KNOW WHY I”M CRYING BUT I FEEL BUTT-HURT AND YOU PROBABLY DID SOMETHING WRONG BUT I”M NOT SURE WHAT  IT IS YET LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY BAG OF CHIPS AND TRASHY TELEVISION GOD DAMNIT!!!! This went on for a few days.  Until finally I did some research and actually found videos explaining these weird emotions I was experiencing.  I like how I need to go to YouTube to find videos to explain my emotions. To myself. While I binge watch terrible television and eat lots of chips.  This is the process, what can I say.

Anyway. And then I sent said videos to man friend and was like..yes.  This is what I was feeling all last week.  THIS.  (If you are ever in said situation where you think your partner did something wrong because you’re really pissed and angry after they said something but you can’t really figure out why and they keep asking what they did and you can’t pinpoint exactly what it is BUT YOU KNOW THEY DID SOMETHING please refer to these YouTube videos: Why we pick difficult partners and Why We Go Cold On Our Partners).

Totally a thing.  And so now I feel better.  I mostly like my life right now.  I do need to shower, but other than that I’m pretty happy.  But also totally fleshing out this Moose farming thing.  In case this shit actually needs to happen.  I probably need some fake identities.  Need to get on that.

Anyway, happy Saturday folks.

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Life

The Dirty 30

I think the year of 2018 will be an infinitely interesting one. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I think I generally give less shits.  I mean, I still do, but I don’t hand them out to anyone and everyone.  I think in my teens, I handed out 92374823715903457893465134 shits on a daily basis.  How can one give so many shits? When one cares about everything and anything equally.  Global warming, war, peace, my family, my friends, other peoples families, other peoples problems (you get the point).  About half way through my 20’s, the number reduced drastically to…around 789.  And now that I’m in my 30’s, the number is around 2-4.  Although, now that I’m, you know, doing the whole marriage thing, I think wedding planning is necessarily making me increase the number to about 4-6 (I’m hoping I can figure out a way to get that number down though.)

But anyway, I find the whole process quite liberating.  And FUN.  I’m like hmmm….should I worry about the fact that I have a conference to speak at today, I have only 1 real business outfit, and those are capris and my legs are sort of half hairy? Nope, I already gave out 2 shits today, not giving out any more since it’s only 8am and who knows what is going to happen the rest of the day

It also helps me double down on the things I really DO care about though.  I mean since I’m giving so few shits, I have to make each one count.  Like a LOT.  The things I care about a lot: mostly things that are in my direct control.  Which, if you think about it, is not really that many things.  My health and immediate environment.  How I treat others, and what I chose to spend time on.  What I think about.

Sort of simplifies life a lot, doesn’t it?

Happy Sunday

 

 

 

 

 

Life

Bangalore Grew On Me

I’ll be honest, I absolutely hated it when I moved here 4 years ago.  With a passion.  And I still wouldn’t really put it as places to visit for tourists because when people come to visit, it’s hard for me to say what they should do. 

But I love the small daily routines that I have here.  I have a favorite brunch place, but maybe it’s my favorite because it’s so happy and there’s a 80% chance I’ll meet someone I know and we can hang out/catch up, which is lovely.

Bangalore has much more character and history than where I grew up.  I love America as a concept, as a dream, as an infrastructural masterpiece.  I grew up in a place that was optimized for commuting to work.  Bangalore, for better or worse, is not optimized for that.  There’s so much traffic you want to CRY.  And when it rains, it literally FLOODS.  But as far as history and culture goes, Bangalore has my hometown beat.  I’m still discovering new types of food every day, that I didn’t even know existed! WHOLE CUISINES that I’m uncovering.  It’s nuts.  And street food.  Oh man.  Streetfood.  SO GOOD.

I love the tiny rituals that I get to participate in.  I love chai and filter coffee. It’s the thing I miss most when I leave India.  Bangalore filter coffee specifically.  And Idli and Vada and Sambar. So delicious.

But most of all, I love the people.  So many intersections of sub cultures it’s insane.  From artists to tech startups to restauranteurs to activists, they’re here.  But mostly I love it because you get the sense that everyone thinks that anything is possible. It’s quite motivating and wonderful to be around.

And that’s why I’m currently crushing on Bangalore.

Life

It’s Weird When Things Are Un-Sucky

Like when it’s been so shitty for so long and suddenly you look back and you’re like…huh.  Things are significantly less shitty than before.  THAT IS POSSIBLE?! (I mean, you read stories about it, but…IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING TO ME OMG THIS IS AMAZEBALLS SHOULD I BE IN VEGAS I’M TOTALLY WINNING IN LIFE RIGHT NOW).

We have a new company that’s up and running and we are actually getting customers and making money which is a really good thing, turns out.  We got an OFFICE  and have people working with us, which I feel like makes things pretty official.  Sometimes I get PTSD and completely melt down and freak out, but then I just go home and eat ice cream and watch a few hours of trashy TV and I feel better.

I’m getting married. Holy crap, yes that’s happening.  Sometime vaguely next year.  But families are meeting and ish in December, YIKES.

I’m not completely broke either which is great.  I”M TAKING A VACATION TO THAILAND AND CAMBODIA! I mean my cousin totally scored us amazing hotel rates which made everything a lot better, but I’m still stoked.  I GET TO SEE THE LITTLE NEPHEWS (who apparently now are not so little).

I felt like a random life update like that was in order.  I also have writers block so…I think writing something is better than nothing.

All right. Have a great day.

 

 

 

Life

Guess What? ChickenButt.

I’m back at home and I can’t help remembering all the things we used to say as kids.  Sometimes digging up the past is painful. But sometimes you remember good stuff too.

Sometimes you have to dig through the past and make peace with it to move forward.

I don’t know how I got to be so serious.  You can just take a look at my Kindle.  I can’t even tell you the last piece of nice, juicy, emotion provoking piece of fiction that I read.  (And as I was writing this, I just bought a nice juicy book to read.  To fix this problem).

I also know that I’ve coped with life by numbing out pain.  Pain in all of its forms.  From terrible elections, to poverty, to life ish that happens.  But enough is enough.  I’m tired of hiding.  I’ve realized (by listening to some amazing women) that we need to run into our pain.  Because if we can’t run into our pain, we can’t run into our joy either.  And I’ve been living without either and I’m tired of being numb.  Numb is overrated.  Numb is what I spend most of my money on.  Numb is the easy button.  Numb is a lie.

So I’m beginning to wake up.  Being woke.  To what is important.  What is meaningful.  What I can do every day if I’m not scared of pain.  What I can do if, in fact, I run towards it.  It means being a Love Warrior.  It means being vulnerable.  It means making fun of myself.  It means crying a lot.  It means laughing a lot more.  It means not being perfect.  It means trying to be my best anyway.  It means trying crazy shit, even if you don’t know what’s going to happen.  ESPECIALLY when you don’t know what’s going to happen, in fact.  It means being unpopular with the right people.  It means being real.  It means being kind.  It means forgiving.  It means moving forward.  It means remembering the good times, and learning from the bad.

But mostly, it means love.  A lot of love.

Life

This Is The Story Of The World

I’m trying to come up with a fundraising pitch but all I can really think about is the story of my life.  I’ve decided that all lives are stories and how happy we feel is how we choose to think about it.  Happiness is how we choose to connect the dots and what narrative we create.  That’s how good fundraising pitches work.  Connecting the dots to create a cohesive narrative in a way that’s compelling to someone else.

I think that’s how happiness works too.  Connecting the dots to create a compelling narrative that you’re satisfied with.

It’s also called “half empty or half full”syndrome.  Ok I just made that up.  But you know what I mean.  Optimist or pessimist?  I think anyone can decide whichever one they want to be.

Now that it feels less shit show like, I feel like my life story is becoming more cohesive.  The way I want.  So far it’s:

  • Ages 0-18:
    • Girl wants to do something positive for the world but keeps getting told that she’s too young to do anything yet.
  • College:
    • Girl Face- plants for the most part, but succeeds enough to get by
  • The NextDrop 1.0 Years (2011-2017):
    • Repeat Face-plant but girl has enough experience/learnings/ hints of a new idea/is crazy enough to try again
  • June 2017- Present:
    • Girl gets funded with the new idea and builds a team to help her succeed
      • i.e a co founder for the business who has been through fire and back with her and she trusts immensely
      • ie. a life partner for her personal life who is pretty much the Yin to her Yang, the Clyde to her Bonnie.
      • i.e. really good family & friends around the world that help her get up when she eats shit, which, turns out, is decently frequently, but that’s ok because they don’t judge.  They just laugh with her along the way and dust her off and help her up and encourage her to try again.  And they remind her that everything is going to be ok.

That is currently the story of my world.

humor, Life, Uncategorized

Does This Make Me Look Fat? (And Other Highly Irrational Questions I Ask)

Do you ever see yourself do something and you’re like…nooo….not that thing…WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT THING?! DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT…and then it’s just too late and the train wreck which is your life is in progress.  Ok not all your life.  Just situations where you are acting incredibly irrationally.  Like when you break down in tears because…YOU CAN’T DO THE LAUNDRY (and lets be real, by “do” the laundry, it’s pick up the phone to use the app to call someone to pick up your clothes- this is Bangalore people who with the internet does anything themselves these days?)

It’s not even a nervous breakdown because…well…that card was already played. (And you’ve kind of felt that sort of stress before and this doesn’t feel like that).  It’s more like…holy shit.  THIS IS HOW I AM.  I do and say and act incredibly irrationally. A MAJORITY OF THE TIME.  Ok ok ok maybe not a majority of the time.  But way more times than you’d like. In your head you’re like…bordering on the genius and clarity of thought of a modern Indian Nassim Taleb…and then you watch yourself….completely eat shit.  Just…faceplant.  Metaphorically speaking.  (I mean, literally speaking too sometimes- less often now which is nice).

The Art of Thinking Clearly is more like the art of …. Jesus Christ this is really really hard who does this anyway, and is there an Evernote shortcut for this? And…my brain is really really tired can I just cry and/or yell? Because that’s waaaay easier.  No wonder it’s the weapon of choice for kids everywhere.  Question: If you are trying to do this “Adulting” thing, can you do the whole yelling and crying arbitrarily? Is that allowed? Or is it more…only if it’s socially acceptable and proper?  Like only if your house is on fire it’s ok, and not ok if you want to randomly yell at a rock on the road because…just because? Follow Up Question: Is randomly crying while you wear sunglasses in the back of an Uber allowed? Like you’re kind of heave sobbing while he is driving and he can like…kind of see you in the rear view mirror but you’re also wearing sunglasses so he thinks maybe that’s just the way you breathe and he’s caught in between wtf should I do is she dying do I need to go to the hospital and…maybe if I just ignore her she’ll stop?

Maybe this is why people use drugs.

DAMN YOU DRUGS AND YOUR SOLUTIONS FOR WORLD PROBLEMS.

(This post does not formally endorse or NOT endorse drugs.  But if you are a child and are reading this, say no to drugs.  Smoking kills.  But wait a minute- if you’re a child, are you even allowed on the internet? Actually, I think you have way bigger problems than drugs if you’re a child and reading this.  Oh god.  Kids and the internet.  Horrifying.)