To be clear, I didn’t ACTUALLY do it. But I was definitely fantasizing about it pretty much all of last week. This happens a lot less than it used to, and actually the fantasy has changed from being a pastry chef in Paris to moose farming in Canada. As I get older I think I’m just more practical with my fantasies. I mean, lets be real here. I’m never going to be baking or cooking anything anytime soon. Moose farming in Canada though- very possible. Very practical fantasy I must say. (I think I should get a gold star for that one).
Anyway, where does this need to run away from the world stem from you may ask. Well it used to be from work, but now I’ve just made peace with work in that it’s always going to feel crazy but crazy is the new normal and I’m just accepting it. No. This time it’s from this thing people tend to call RELATIONSHIPS. Oh god. Yes. Relationships. Apparently people have them. And I avoided it for the longest time and I avoided it right into getting married. I mean planning a wedding now. Which is basically the route to mental instability. AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET. I think both of us hate this whole planning process. Hence we both hate talking about it. Except I still try to talk about it. And then blam. Terrible – ness. And I want to run away and be a moose farmer in Canada. Literally I was thinking…well…if we never get married then we never have to deal with this shit. Hmmm….What if we just never get married? Can we swing that? Forever? And then the rational part of me was like…Anu. Seriously. REALLY?! WHY ARE YOU OVERREACTING HERE?!
So what was going on in real life during this whole time I was weighing all of these possibilities and planning my life around being a moose farmer in Canada? Lots of crying. Mostly just me being upset and future husband not knowing why and me just being like I DON”T KNOW WHY I”M CRYING BUT I FEEL BUTT-HURT AND YOU PROBABLY DID SOMETHING WRONG BUT I”M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS YET LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY BAG OF CHIPS AND TRASHY TELEVISION GOD DAMNIT!!!! This went on for a few days. Until finally I did some research and actually found videos explaining these weird emotions I was experiencing. I like how I need to go to YouTube to find videos to explain my emotions. To myself. While I binge watch terrible television and eat lots of chips. This is the process, what can I say.
Anyway. And then I sent said videos to man friend and was like..yes. This is what I was feeling all last week. THIS. (If you are ever in said situation where you think your partner did something wrong because you’re really pissed and angry after they said something but you can’t really figure out why and they keep asking what they did and you can’t pinpoint exactly what it is BUT YOU KNOW THEY DID SOMETHING please refer to these YouTube videos: Why we pick difficult partners and Why We Go Cold On Our Partners).
Totally a thing. And so now I feel better. I mostly like my life right now. I do need to shower, but other than that I’m pretty happy. But also totally fleshing out this Moose farming thing. In case this shit actually needs to happen. I probably need some fake identities. Need to get on that.
Anyway, happy Saturday folks.