Given that everything did not magically figure itself out the minute my body clock struck 30 years on planet Earth like I thought it would, it looks like I have to actually do some heavy lifting and figure this ish out. Also, incidentally, there was NOT mass genocide in my ovaries the minute I turned 30 like most Indian parents would have you believe, in case you were wondering. (And since I have enough eggs, the stork can NOW drop off a baby in case I should ever want one because everyone knows THAT’s how babies are born. But only after marriage, duh.)
Anyway. I’ve been creating a framework (by stealing pieces from other people’s frameworks) for living the life I should live. It’s still quite vague but here’s a few bits of it.
Radical self-love/self care.
In my head this is broken down into a few themes:
- financial (are you making the money to keep you/who you are responsible for happy)
- passion (are you doing things that give you joy)
- intention (what is motivating you to make the choices you are making- from what food shall I eat to what relationship should I be in, to what work should I take up)
I broke it up this way intentionally. I used to view life through the lens of finances, health, relationships, and spirituality (or some variation of these). But it didn’t feel right. It felt very…clinical. And…too much like checking certain boxes.
Because here’s the big aha moment I had. If I am operating out of a place of oh shit everything is going to hell, I hate my body, I hate everything (which let me tell you, is still many days out of the week), I make shitty choices. To elaborate- If my intentions are (either consciously but mostly unconsciously) to operate out of fear, I eat crap, I don’t exercise, I say mean things to people, and I don’t make the best choices for my future. On the flip side, if my intentions are to try and love/accept, I make WAAAY better choices about everything.
Also, if I’m not making enough money to keep me and the things I am responsible for happy, I make shitty choices as well. Mostly because I’m desperate and everyone can smell it and let me tell you if the world sees a desperate person you know what they do? They usually kick them. For the most part. Not everyone, but in general, desperate is not a good look on anyone.
Finally, if I’m not doing things (really, ANYTHING in the day or week) that brings me joy, then I’m like WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING AHHHHH. I feel like a slave. SLAAAAVE. And that makes me make terrible choices as well.
Essentially, I was looking at things that push me to make terrible choices. These are the 3 categories.
The flip side is harder though. So Anu. What DOES bring you joy? And HOW can you make sure your intentions are more love/acceptance based than the reverse.
Good questions. I’m not sure yet. But that’s what I’m figuring out right now.