Life

Finding Purpose in My 30’s

Given that everything did not magically figure itself out the minute my body clock struck 30 years on planet Earth like I thought it would, it looks like I have to actually do some heavy lifting and figure this ish out.  Also, incidentally, there was NOT mass genocide in my ovaries the minute I turned 30 like most Indian parents would have you believe, in case you were wondering. (And since I have enough eggs, the stork can NOW drop off a baby in case I should ever want one because everyone knows THAT’s how babies are born. But only after marriage, duh.)

Anyway.  I’ve been creating a framework (by stealing pieces from other people’s frameworks) for living the life I should live. It’s still quite vague but here’s a few bits of it.

 

Radical self-love/self care.

In my head this is broken down into a few themes:

  • financial (are you making the money to keep you/who you are responsible for happy)
  • passion (are you doing things that give you joy)
  • intention (what is motivating you to make the choices you are making- from what food shall I eat to what relationship should I be in, to what work should I take up)

I broke it up this way intentionally. I used to view life through the lens of finances, health, relationships, and spirituality (or some variation of these).  But it didn’t feel right.  It felt very…clinical.  And…too much like checking certain boxes.

Because here’s the big aha moment I had.  If I am operating out of a place of oh shit everything is going to hell, I hate my body, I hate everything (which let me tell you, is still many days out of the week), I make shitty choices. To elaborate- If my intentions are (either consciously but mostly unconsciously) to operate out of fear, I eat crap, I don’t exercise, I say mean things to people, and I don’t make the best choices for my future.  On the flip side, if my intentions are to try and love/accept, I make WAAAY better choices about everything.

Also, if I’m not making enough money to keep me and the things I am responsible for happy, I make shitty choices as well.  Mostly because I’m desperate and everyone can smell it and let me tell you if the world sees a desperate person you know what they do? They usually kick them.  For the most part.  Not everyone, but in general, desperate is not a good look on anyone.

Finally, if I’m not doing things (really, ANYTHING in the day or week) that brings me joy, then I’m like WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING AHHHHH.  I feel like a slave.  SLAAAAVE.  And that makes me make terrible choices as well.

Essentially, I was looking at things that push me to make terrible choices.  These are the 3 categories.

The flip side is harder though. So Anu.  What DOES bring you joy? And HOW can you make sure your intentions are more love/acceptance based than the reverse.

Good questions.  I’m not sure yet.  But that’s what I’m figuring out right now.

 

The End.

 

 

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Life

Things I Thought I Would Have Figured Out By 30

I somehow thought life was supposed to fall into place by 30.  Like you knew exactly who you were, and what you were doing.  For as long as we both shall live. I did.  But no.  Turns out the more you learn about life the more you’re like…wtf.  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THIS THING I CALL MY LIFE?!?! According to the latest research, I probably have another 50 years of this thing left.  It’s like this giant empty canvas, waiting for some color. Apparently, that’s supposed to be my job.  The canvas painter. It is assumed that I’m some sort of artist.  We are all some sort of artist.  So they say.  But whoever said that never saw my art. I probably failed coloring in kindergarten.  I hated the lines.  It’s like oh hey color inside of them and I’m like…but WHY.  And why does hair have to be YELLOW why can’t it be PURPLE. And sky? That shit should be GREEN. Obviously.

And when everyone is asking you so are you going to live in India or the US, are you going to give up your US citizenship, is your husband going to become American, what is up with your company, what do you actually do- really though.  I have no answers.  Mainly because I want to say look, I don’t even know where I’m going to be a month from now (I think I’m booking tickets to the US, but who knows), I have a feeling water is important, I’m trying to figure out where we as a company fit into this grand scheme of the world, and right now I’m obsessed with short hair, nude Steve Madden flats, and Ted Baker skirts but I may hate them next month, lets see.

They call women fickle.  They call millennials entitled.   Apparently according to the news (which could be fake, who knows) I fall in both of these categories.  Woman, and millennial.  Does that make it my identity?  That’s such a loaded word.  IDENTITY.  I don’t even know what that means.

When in doubt starting from first principles is usually a good idea.  The fundamental truths, of what I think to be true.

Which are: I am human (according to the latest reports), I think love is important (so says every religion and spiritual guide ever), and feeling connected in some way shape or form to other humans is a big deal.

Other than that, I’m answering the rest of it as I go.  On the road to 40. I guess.

 

Funny, happiness, Life, marriage

Sometimes You Just Need To Run Away And Be A Moose Farmer in Canada

To be clear, I didn’t ACTUALLY do it.  But I was definitely fantasizing about it pretty much all of last week.  This happens a lot less than it used to, and actually the fantasy has changed from being a pastry chef in Paris to moose farming in Canada. As I get older I think I’m just more practical with my fantasies.  I mean, lets be real here.  I’m never going to be baking or cooking anything anytime soon.  Moose farming in Canada though- very possible.  Very practical fantasy I must say.  (I think I should get a gold star for that one).

Anyway, where does this need to run away from the world stem from you may ask.  Well it used to be from work, but now I’ve just made peace with work in that it’s always going to feel crazy but crazy is the new normal and I’m just accepting it.  No.  This time it’s from this thing people tend to call RELATIONSHIPS. Oh god.  Yes.  Relationships.  Apparently people have them.  And I avoided it for the longest time and I avoided it right into getting married.  I mean planning a wedding now. Which is basically the route to mental instability.  AND I HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED YET.  I think both of us hate this whole planning process.  Hence we both hate talking about it.  Except I still try to talk about it.  And then blam.  Terrible – ness.  And I want to run away and be a moose farmer in Canada.  Literally I was thinking…well…if we never get married then we never have to deal with this shit.  Hmmm….What if we just never get married? Can we swing that? Forever? And then the rational part of me was like…Anu.  Seriously.  REALLY?! WHY ARE YOU OVERREACTING HERE?!

So what was going on in real life during this whole time I was weighing all of these possibilities and planning my life around being a moose farmer in Canada? Lots of crying.  Mostly just me being upset and future husband not knowing why and me just being like I DON”T KNOW WHY I”M CRYING BUT I FEEL BUTT-HURT AND YOU PROBABLY DID SOMETHING WRONG BUT I”M NOT SURE WHAT  IT IS YET LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY BAG OF CHIPS AND TRASHY TELEVISION GOD DAMNIT!!!! This went on for a few days.  Until finally I did some research and actually found videos explaining these weird emotions I was experiencing.  I like how I need to go to YouTube to find videos to explain my emotions. To myself. While I binge watch terrible television and eat lots of chips.  This is the process, what can I say.

Anyway. And then I sent said videos to man friend and was like..yes.  This is what I was feeling all last week.  THIS.  (If you are ever in said situation where you think your partner did something wrong because you’re really pissed and angry after they said something but you can’t really figure out why and they keep asking what they did and you can’t pinpoint exactly what it is BUT YOU KNOW THEY DID SOMETHING please refer to these YouTube videos: Why we pick difficult partners and Why We Go Cold On Our Partners).

Totally a thing.  And so now I feel better.  I mostly like my life right now.  I do need to shower, but other than that I’m pretty happy.  But also totally fleshing out this Moose farming thing.  In case this shit actually needs to happen.  I probably need some fake identities.  Need to get on that.

Anyway, happy Saturday folks.

Health and Wellness

Taking Care of Myself In My 30’s

Just writing that made me go…whoa.  Yeah.  My 30 year old body is definitely different than my 20 year old body.  And for the past year and a half (maybe even 2 years) I’ve been experimenting with a lot of different things.

Environment: I think this is a big one.  I generally hate the apartment I’m in right now and I’m so excited to move next week.  Into a better place, a better location, a closer commute to work, and overall, just getting rid of all the bad memories of this place.  I’m grateful that this place existed, but I”m also so excited to be out of it.

Working Out:  I’ve decided on a routine for now that makes me excited to get up in the mornings.  I go to Cult (I’m actually really obsessed with them from a very startup/nerd perspective- how they’ve developed such a strong health and wellness brand and how they are just taking over and owning this space right now!) I do two days of strength and conditioning and 2 days of APM Yoga.  APM Stands for Asana, Pranayam, and Meditation, so it’s actually not a real “workout” workout, but it works out my energy which I love.  I feel like I breathe better after class and I just feel like I get a good stretch two days a week.  So far I”m loving this mix.

Supplements: This is a tough one for me and I’m still experimenting.  I’ve started taking supplements and I’ve noticed a big difference.  I have started with just one- Iron/Folic Acid supplements, but it’s making a marked difference in my energy levels.  If you’re a vegetarian female, chances are you are low in iron.  I was just taking vitamins and it wasn’t cutting it.  So now this one I’m taking is both Folic Acid and Iron.  The Folic Acid is because I was getting ulcers in my mouth and I heard it was from a lack of Folic Acid.  Sure enough when I took the supplements, mouth ulcers went away in a day.  Magic!

General Nutrition: I eat Yoga Protein Bars for breakfast after working out which I like.  The days I just do yoga I do plain Idli and sambar which I think is good enough for now.  Lunch and dinner are tougher.  I’m not a huge fan of my cook and we’ve spent a lot on eating out recently.  This is usually a function of how early I need to leave in the morning and if I can pack lunch in time (i.e. has the cook made and packed lunch before I need to leave). Usually this is a no.  So I have to figure out something there.  At work there is a canteen, which is probably better than pizza, but definitely not better than “home” food.  My goal is to now try to eat out as little as possible.  I think if I just have that simple task, my general health will be a lot better.  I am also really trying to consume 3L of water per day.  This is tough, but I can see a difference on the days that I do and the days that I don’t.

Hair/Skin: I was talking to my hair stylist and she basically said look- if you eat good food and drink lots of water, your hair and skin will be amazing.  So that’s 70% of it (and it makes a lot of sense to me).  I have frizzy hair so I’m hoping drinking lots of water helps.  I’ve also switched to no silicone/sulphates hair care routine, and I’m experimenting with the Curly Girl Method (at least pieces of it).  I am also trying to go a little bit more organic, and I found a really great all natural body butter I am really digging. I swear it makes my face softer.  Additionally, I have switched to organic soap that I buy from this non profit. I don’t know if it’s psychological, but I feel like it makes my skin less dry, exfoliates, and…well…it helps people doing good things.  So it’s a win on all counts and that makes me happy.  I tried switching to organic body lotion but I just couldn’t hack it.  I really tried the SOS Organic Product line but I haven’t been a fan so far.  I love my Aveeno and I think I’m sticking with it for the rest of my body for now.  I also exfoliate my face every day with St. Ives Apricot Scrub and once a week I use a bentonite clay mask.  I just feel like I’m giving my skin some love.  I have no idea if it actually does anything but hey- I feel good about it 🙂 .

Anyway, that’s life right now.  I have realized that focusing on that extra 20% of life is what elevates us to the next level.  Whatever level that is.  In any case, I’m really really ready for a level up any time now.

Life

The Dirty 30

I think the year of 2018 will be an infinitely interesting one. Now that I’m in my 30’s, I think I generally give less shits.  I mean, I still do, but I don’t hand them out to anyone and everyone.  I think in my teens, I handed out 92374823715903457893465134 shits on a daily basis.  How can one give so many shits? When one cares about everything and anything equally.  Global warming, war, peace, my family, my friends, other peoples families, other peoples problems (you get the point).  About half way through my 20’s, the number reduced drastically to…around 789.  And now that I’m in my 30’s, the number is around 2-4.  Although, now that I’m, you know, doing the whole marriage thing, I think wedding planning is necessarily making me increase the number to about 4-6 (I’m hoping I can figure out a way to get that number down though.)

But anyway, I find the whole process quite liberating.  And FUN.  I’m like hmmm….should I worry about the fact that I have a conference to speak at today, I have only 1 real business outfit, and those are capris and my legs are sort of half hairy? Nope, I already gave out 2 shits today, not giving out any more since it’s only 8am and who knows what is going to happen the rest of the day

It also helps me double down on the things I really DO care about though.  I mean since I’m giving so few shits, I have to make each one count.  Like a LOT.  The things I care about a lot: mostly things that are in my direct control.  Which, if you think about it, is not really that many things.  My health and immediate environment.  How I treat others, and what I chose to spend time on.  What I think about.

Sort of simplifies life a lot, doesn’t it?

Happy Sunday

 

 

 

 

 

happiness, Startups

All You Need Is Love

Maybe its the holiday season, but also when you are trying to build a company from scratch (for the second time) you remember all the things you wish you knew the first time around.

For a company to survive you need way more than love. Actually, what you need is a lot of money.  Ideally the company generating it in the form of revenue (not bleeding it in the form of investor cash).

But for humans, I’m of the opinion that it’s about love.  We humans can survive with a lot less money than love.  In fact, after a certain point, almost everyone across the charts would trade money for love.

I have a lot of love in my life.  I know this because of all the wonderful humans that took me in and helped me while I was down and out and I didn’t really have much and I hated everything ever.  And that makes me feel very wonderful.

But a lot of times when I’m in the midst of the whole building and running a company thing (and I”m like ahhhhh WTF this is scary and gross and what am I doing ahhhhhh), I forget about the fact that at the end of the day, I have one of the most important things I need to survive.  Love.  And lots of it from lots of people in lots of forms. And it’s amazing.

And I’m so grateful.  And honestly with that base, I can do anything. You can do anything. We can do anything.

It’s a very empowering feeling.

 

marriage

When Your Parents Don’t Believe You’re Engaged.

First of all, who in the hell would lie about something like that.  I mean really.  It’s not exactly something that would play out well for me.  Oh we’re engaged.  When’s the wedding?  When can we meet the guy? Oh…you were just messing with us? Those pictures of your “boyfriend” you’ve been sending us for the past 2 years have been photoshopped? You mean you HIRED someone to go on vacation with you and your cousins last month? You mean you’ve been making up this elaborate ruse about this guy named “Sumit” for the past 2 years?

I KNEW IT.  Called it.

Seriously.  WTF PEOPLE.

Ok ok I will say that yes we don’t exactly have a traditional story.  Did we decided to get married over a Whatsapp conversation in between, “Hey, I think someone might be suing me” and, “Oh that sucks. Yeah I was looking at our credit card debt. Not fun. We should talk about that. You know what else? We should get married. Yeah? Good idea, no? But also, we should really talk about our financial planning I’m just saying.”

Yes. That did happen.

And luckily Whatsapp invented the “Reply To” feature, so it is very clear that he was saying yes not to the financial planning conversation but the lets get married conversation. But still.

WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

Another thing could just be that my parents do not believe that I would actually be getting married.  To a human man.  I think maybe my mom is in shock and my dad is in denial.  Either way it ends with the same conclusion.  YOU’RE NOT ENGAGED.

The best part was when I asked, ok.  When do YOU think I’m engaged.  They had no idea.  Some ideas that were thrown around were…when you get a ring.  Another one was…maybe when they meet his family.  All very vague here.  Nothing concrete.

Which begs the question.  WTF are people going on about with engagements and rings and things.  Lets just be married and get on with it.

Except parties. We should have a party.  Mainly because…I mean, who doesn’t like a good time.  If we want to call that a “wedding”…fine.  That’s cool.  Lets do that.

But this whole situation is very perplexing.  I’m just saying.