You know. Like with brownies. Moist brownies. Moist. Brownies. Moist is such a weird word. I feel like this has been a Harvard study somewhere.
But I digress. The point is, I have become somewhat of a pro on the topic of rejection. I can’t say I have PhD on the topic (those would be reserved for veteran cold callers who I have the utmost respect for). But I do think a B.S. verging on an M.S. is where I’m at with the whole rejection thing.
I’ve realized there’s about 3 types of rejections (at least that I’ve currently faced). I bet you didn’t know there’s different types did you. Oh yes, there are. That’s what my Masters thesis is about you know. But each one is has a slightly different affect on the psyche/serves different purposes.
Rejection 1: Outright rejection from the outside world for no good reason
Now this type of rejection is usually just the most useless. If you are worth your salt, you know that for the most part you shouldn’t let this affect you in any way. For example: jobs you know you’re qualified for but get rejected from (that happens) or ideas you have that you KNOW are better than the ones that got picked to move forward (damn politics). But whatever. You get pissed for like 5 seconds and move on with life. Because what else are you gonna do? I mean really. It happens waaaay too often to give too many shits about it- otherwise you would just go crazy. So you move on. Onwards and upwards to…other types of rejection
Rejection 2: Semi- useful rejection from your own team
This type of rejection is usually the most frustrating. Maybe that’s rejection from people you work with or your family. But it’s the rejection that has some basis in truth- like yeah maybe this idea is a little bit sucky, I can see that- or ok maybe this hasn’t been the most thought through blog post. The hard part is how it’s delivered. It’s just very depressing and harsh. Like oh god why do you have to be such an asshole about it?? YES I KNOW THIS ISN”T PERFECT SO SUE ME. It’s hard because one part of you acknowledges the truth in the rejection but the other part of you is like..but why do you need to be such a dick about it?? So instead of just taking it constructively you spend 90% of your time convincing yourself that you’re not a COMPLETE loser (just maybe 50% loser status) instead of…you know…working on the actual idea. It’s definitely more hurtful than helpful I think.
This is the controversial type of rejection because some might argue that people need “thicker skin”. My argument is this. STOP BEING A DICK. Would you say that to your mom? (Wait first question- do you like your mom? If no, you have deeper issues, you should probably be reading other things besides this blog post ASAP. But I digress, again). If you wouldn’t say that to your mom, why would you say that to anyone else? Who cares if its true?? That doesn’t give you the right to be a dick about it. At least I don’t think it does.
That was my semi rant about the semi- useful rejection
Rejection 3: Soul crushing, but most useful rejection
This is the rejection where you get this feedback from external parties, not in any mean way, but in a way which you realize that you’re just completely off base and you have so much to learn. This is the most debilitating, but useful rejection there is. This is where true growth comes from. It’s like…oh shit. Most of this idea sucks. OH GOD I HAVE TO START ALL OVER WTF AM I GOING TO DO?! It’s that feeling that you really were bad, right to your bones. Nobody had to tell you, you knew it.
But I think that realization, although the most painful because you have nobody but yourself to blame for this (nobody was a dick about it, nobody was mean, you just realized you did a shitty job), it’s also the most opportunity for growth.
I haven’t faced that type of rejection in a long time, but this past week it happened. It was the best/worst thing to happen to me in a long time. I realize that this is the fastest way I grow. I could feel my soul dying and being reborn again in a fit of tears, bad television, and lots of chips and ice cream.
This is the kind of rejection I feel is the most useful, and if it isn’t happening to me on at least a fortnightly basis (given the newness of my job) I wonder if I’m really pushing myself.
I can’t tell if I’m a genius or a masochist yet. Maybe a combination of both? Maybe neither? Who knows. Also, does it matter? Really?
All I know is that I haven’t felt that painful growth in a long time, and it feels really terrible/great.