Does This Make Me Look Fat? (And Other Highly Irrational Questions I Ask)

Do you ever see yourself do something and you’re like…nooo….not that thing…WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT THING?! DON’T DO IT DON’T DO IT…and then it’s just too late and the train wreck which is your life is in progress.  Ok not all your life.  Just situations where you are acting incredibly irrationally.  Like when you break down in tears because…YOU CAN’T DO THE LAUNDRY (and lets be real, by “do” the laundry, it’s pick up the phone to use the app to call someone to pick up your clothes- this is Bangalore people who with the internet does anything themselves these days?)

It’s not even a nervous breakdown because…well…that card was already played. (And you’ve kind of felt that sort of stress before and this doesn’t feel like that).  It’s more like…holy shit.  THIS IS HOW I AM.  I do and say and act incredibly irrationally. A MAJORITY OF THE TIME.  Ok ok ok maybe not a majority of the time.  But way more times than you’d like. In your head you’re like…bordering on the genius and clarity of thought of a modern Indian Nassim Taleb…and then you watch yourself….completely eat shit.  Just…faceplant.  Metaphorically speaking.  (I mean, literally speaking too sometimes- less often now which is nice).

The Art of Thinking Clearly is more like the art of …. Jesus Christ this is really really hard who does this anyway, and is there an Evernote shortcut for this? And…my brain is really really tired can I just cry and/or yell? Because that’s waaaay easier.  No wonder it’s the weapon of choice for kids everywhere.  Question: If you are trying to do this “Adulting” thing, can you do the whole yelling and crying arbitrarily? Is that allowed? Or is it more…only if it’s socially acceptable and proper?  Like only if your house is on fire it’s ok, and not ok if you want to randomly yell at a rock on the road because…just because? Follow Up Question: Is randomly crying while you wear sunglasses in the back of an Uber allowed? Like you’re kind of heave sobbing while he is driving and he can like…kind of see you in the rear view mirror but you’re also wearing sunglasses so he thinks maybe that’s just the way you breathe and he’s caught in between wtf should I do is she dying do I need to go to the hospital and…maybe if I just ignore her she’ll stop?

Maybe this is why people use drugs.

DAMN YOU DRUGS AND YOUR SOLUTIONS FOR WORLD PROBLEMS.

(This post does not formally endorse or NOT endorse drugs.  But if you are a child and are reading this, say no to drugs.  Smoking kills.  But wait a minute- if you’re a child, are you even allowed on the internet? Actually, I think you have way bigger problems than drugs if you’re a child and reading this.  Oh god.  Kids and the internet.  Horrifying.)

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One thought on “Does This Make Me Look Fat? (And Other Highly Irrational Questions I Ask)

  1. Oh, I love this! You have described my thought process exceptionally well. This morning facebook told me that ‘science says’ that intelligent people go to bed late, leave a mess and use bad language. But the question I want an answer to is, what if, i do all those things but hate that I do them. Like in my head I am always striving to be a disciplined, clean and polished person 🙂 Looks like i don’t have a point. Ok, sorry, bye!

    Like

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