So This One Time When I Went On A Slow Carb Diet (For 7 hours)

Yes. That’s the longest I could last. I think it doesn’t help that I don’t eat meat or eggs.  Kind of makes ingesting protein really hard.  But there’s a bigger issue at hand here.  I think every woman, from Twiggy to Priyanka Chopra, has had (at some point in life) body issues.  I think any woman that says they never had is a liarface and I never want to speak to them again.  Unless they are some sort of Zen Buddhist enlightened monk or something.  Then it’s fine.  But for the rest of us mortals. UGH. BODY ISSUES. UGH.

I think for the longest time I just ignored them.  And by ignored them I pretended everything was fine but then I would exercise like crazy and eat practically nothing.  I was an awesome size 4 this is true.  But then those headaches were a bitch.  I’m just saying.  Not doing that again.

Also I think this idea of “healthy” is such crap.  What does that mean anyway? If you go to the guy at Golds Gym he’ll tell you that 18% bodyfat is obese so you being your 25% bodyfat self has no hope (Yes, this happened when I was in college and I basically yelled at him and asked for his education credentials and said douchey things like Google is smarter than you what am I paying you for).  If I go to the doctor, they say everything is fine.

 

BUT I DON”T FEEL FINE PEOPLE.  This is the problem.  At least I know how I feel. And I don’t feel fine.  I feel lazy and lethargic and I used to get up in the morning ready to go but now I”m like…ugh.  UGH.  Le sigh.

And also, I HATE CLOTHES SHOPPING.  Because what are you supposed to buy? Are you supposed to buy things that fit you RIGHT now? Because I mean, I hope I don’t stay like this for hundreds of years, but at the same time who knows how long this will be so….what. Do I just drop a few hundred dollars to buy the clothes that fit me now? Should I just buy baggy clothes that can fit me at any size? Should I just put off buying clothes at all until the day I feel happy with all of this?

Can I just say – side note.  Indian clothes are great because most of them use drawstrings so it doesn’t matter what your waist size is, THE SAME PANTS WILL FIT THEY ARE AMAZING.

Ok back to my rant about clothing.  Le sigh. I’m tired of ranting too. I think I have to go back and figure out…how to reconsile the fact that this is my body and I”m not getting another one, and it’s actually not so bad, but I need to know how to service it and do all the scheduled maintenance and stuff on it.  It did not come with an instruction manual. That would have made things a lot easier.

Dear God. In your next iteration of humans, can you insert an RFID chip that basically serves as an instruction manual for service and maintenance on this body that we inhabit? That would be super helpful. K. Thanks.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s