Like if you hold your breath long enough sometimes things start falling into place. Let me rephrase that. If you work your ass off WHILE holding your breath long enough things start falling into place.
Rewind about 2.5 weeks ago. I realized that I just wasn’t giving work my all. I wasn’t. I mean, on a to do list it looked ok but if I really asked myself if I was giving life my 100%, the answer was no. Nobody else would have been able to say that. Only me. Because I know myself and I know what I am capable of doing. I knew I could do more.
And I also vowed this year to just stop lying to myself about shit. I’m tired of it. There’s no point. In fact, that’s probably the thing that got me in the hot mess shit hole in the first place. I mean, if I was honest with myself and just took stock of life a few years ago (hell, lets go ALL the way back to some 3-4 years ago) things could have been different. But until time travel is invented (which I’m SO down for), all that KIND of doesn’t matter. So new beginnings, no more self lying. And I’ve also decided that there’s nothing wrong with saying hey Anu. Guess what. You know you can do better than this. Sometimes you can’t. And I’ve been there too. But that’s not where I was 2.5 weeks ago. And I’ve been around the block enough now to know the difference.
So that’s when I found another gear and dialed into it. Put it in motion. And you know what? Things started moving. People who I was trying to connect with for MONTHS randomly contacted me back. I was figuring out how to reach out to the World Bank and guess what. They reached out to me.
I really believe that when you, deep down, figure that you can do better, and you actually dig deep to move- the world tries to help you back. I’m a big believer in that. Also, it kind of doesn’t matter what the end result of all this stuff is. Maybe nothing will work out with any of the leads we are getting. But at the end of the day, I just FEEL better. I FEEL like I’m living up to my potential as a human being on this planet. I FEEL like I’m moving in the right direction.
And I’ve realized that when your life is usually a chaotic hot mess, that feeling of creative fulfillment, is sometimes enough.