15 Lbs Later…

Through working at a startup, I realized that the result doesn’t really matter if you don’t know how you got there and why it works.  I’ve always been decent re: size and weight, but I’ve never known how or why.  So I decided to conduct an experiment.  The first phase of the experiment is done.  The first phase is breaking it down to first principles.  Which means eat whatever you want when you want it, and don’t force any exercise.  Actually in my case (for other reasons), I had to actively hold myself back from exercising (so limiting it to 1-2 times per week at most).

The result is as you’d expect.  I’ve gained 15 pounds.  But I think I’ve gained more insight about myself than I ever knew.  Which is where the next phase begins: testing out these hypothesis to see how to get to the ideal version of myself.  And more importantly, figure out a routine/lifestyle that I really love to keep it there.

Learnings:

• I love exercising every day, in some way, shape or form because it helps energy move through my body.  We are physical beings and doing some form of physical activity honors that fact.
• I use exercise to avoid my life.  Every time I’d go to the gym, I’d forget about my problems and I’d feel good.  But my problems never went away, they just accumulated and made it that much harder to deal with later.
• I have an absolutely atrocious relationship with food.  Deep down, I think the more food I eat, the more weight I will gain, and I will hate life.  As a result, I don’t eat enough, and when I don’t eat, I don’t sleep.  Add a little bit of stress and you have the trifecta of awful right there.

 

New things I do:

• I’ve been reading a lot of new age buddhist philosophy and it’s been helping me adopt better life coping mechanisms.  I try to face problems and unpleasant emotions head on, no matter how awful they are.  I’m not the best at it, but I’m learning.
• I try and eat as much as I can, and not as much as I think I calorically need. This results in a lot of takeout ordering, but man I’m getting so much more/better sleep its insane.  I can’t go back now that I’ve discovered the joys of a good night’s rest.
• I’m actually starting to enjoy food.  WHO KNEW.  It comes and goes but sometimes I can now tell between food that I really really like and food that I don’t like as much.  I know it sounds bizarre, but that’s huge progress for me.

 

Phase II:

• Now I get to bring back exercise! I’m so stoked.  I’m trying out doing 30 minutes a day through this app, daily burn.  I’m only on day 3, but I already love it.  I’ve never had a problem being motivated to go to the gym (i.e. I think I’m in the minority) but so far it’s working for me.
• I want to decouple daily exercise from hobbies that I enjoy. For example, I used to couple yoga and my daily exercise but I think…I want to try and keep those separate.  It’s an added bonus that I have hobbies that keep me active but I don’t want to rely on that for my daily exercise.  I don’t know if that makes sense but…I think separating the two is important.  Daily exercise you can do anywhere, anytime. But yoga/other active hobbies (at least right now) I can’t.
• When I exercise, I actually chose to eat more and better food.  It’s weird endorphins that get released after a workout, and maybe I’m an alien, but after a good workout I feel like my body is so clean, I don’t want clutter it with junk, I want to cook something.  Unfortunately that only lasts for about 30 minutes, so I’m figuring out how to keep this urge going but lets see.
• I don’t know how I’m going to handle the food thing.  Because I’m a terrible cook, and I know I need to change the way I eat.  I think it’s going to have to be something about actually learning to enjoy food.  I started, and now I need to continue.  I know, I’m super weird, I’m probably the only one that has this problem but…yes.  This is the area I need the most help with.  Lets see.  Still figuring out what to do.

 

It’s a work in progress, but… I’m pretty excited.  Because once I figure this out for myself, I hope I’ll have a routine and lifestyle set for the next couple of years.  Which makes me pretty happy.