So I’ve realized that when describing the entrepreneurial journey, “exhilarating” is the sanitized version of “effing terrifying”. All those “successful” entrepreneurs who are looking back on life thinking, oh yeah, it was so cute back then- remember “the struggle”? Le sigh, the good old days. Well I call bullshit. Ok let me rephrase that. I am 90% positive I will say the same thing when I look back on this growth phase (until I re-read these entries and remember, oh yeah, that was some sucky ish going on there) because I can see where they are coming from. Every day is terrifying but not in the ways it used to be terrifying. It used to be nauseous terrifying – i.e. I get up every morning with pseudo morning sickness (minus the benefits of birthing an actual child into the world after it all), wondering if we will be alive in 3 months. Basically it was hmmm…so….do I need to be getting another job or something?
And now it’s not nauseous terrifying, it’s more like…can’t breathe and painful terrifying. Sort of like being in labour, with all the pain and anguish and screaming and jesus christ just get it over with already that it entails (again without the benefits of birthing an actual child into this world). You know it’s worth it in the end, you know that you can do it, you know you’ve got it, but GOD DAMN is it painful.
On a completely unrelated side note, is it weird that all my analogies have now become related to birthing children? But wow it works so well. Morning sickness, labour, then..BIRTH.
But back to the being in labour phase. Because we all love that mental image. BUT IT IS SO APT. It’s just SO MUCH PAIN. And doing and saying things that…the second it comes out of your mouth you think…oh god. Lets take that back. I’ve had to apologize to employees recently for getting upset at things and being rude in ways I never was before (or ever really thought I would be). BUT THIS PHASE BRINGS IT OUT IN YOU.
The other thing you do a lot in this phase is rely on your support network to get you through. That’s clutch. Otherwise it’s just a lot of pain and nobody to help you through. Isn’t that why there’s always someone holding the pregnant woman’s hand during the screaming and crying while they sit there saying don’t worry it’ll be ok bits? (I don’t know if that’s just a Grey’s Anatomy thing, but I’m going with it because it works here and it supports my theory and I’m all about that right now with this elaborate analogy thing). Your support system. Hold them close. Check.
ANYway. Yes. It’s all painful. And terrible. And growth-ifying. Why do we all do it you ask? I don’t know. It’s the same thing I ask mothers after they just spend a bazillion hours in ridiculous amounts of pain. And most of them (well, most of them that have children over the age of 6 at least) say it was totally and completely worth it (I think it takes a few years to look back with that warm motherly glow).
So here’s to lots of pain, and hoping to get through it all in one piece (and not kill anyone in the process).