#TheDatingDiaries: Online Date (My Parents)

I think Indian parents have really figured out this whole online dating thing.  And by figured out, I mean providing their kids with the best chance of meeting the man/woman of his/her dreams.  Or at least their dreams.  Which, to be fair, who knows if those sets intersect at all with a union (oh man, MATH JOKE HOLY SHIT WHERE DID THAT COME FROM).

So here is how it works, for those of you who do not have Indian parents.  You guys are missing out.

I think I have a profile my parents created on this site and then on this site, because, well, lets face it.  If my parents get to pick, they’d like to play the “lets make a family tree and just make sure we are far enough to where genetics won’t mess their kids up but close enough to where we will be the same”.  Yay for homogeneity.  (That sounded sarcastic- I’m not sure yet which way that was supposed to go).

And then, my parents get emails from other parents who see my profile.  Now my parents have been a bit cagey about showing me said profile.  They claim that I don’t have a profile, which sort of doesn’t make sense because then how are all these dads and moms emailing them? I am trying to get to the bottom of this.  Because I have DEFINITELY seen guys profiles (that their parents created).  Lots of information that…I have no idea why it is relevant, but my parents seem to think is important.  Like what does the dad do.  And what is his star sign.  And what does his sister do. And what is his sisters education. And how many kids SHE has.  But hey, they’re dating my parents right now so I guess you have to put on lots of things I don’t understand.

Anyway, I digress.  Then comes the good bits.  The concierge service.  My parents basically filter out lots and lots of people.  You know how everyone hates online dating and is like UGH it’s a full time job? Well guess what, now my parents don’t have to take care of their kids, they get to filter through lots of potential husbands for me! YAY! (Again, I can’t tell if I’m sarcastic or not because, I mean, we’ve all been on online dating sites and the amount of people you have to actually respond to is ridiculous and I got carpel tunnel just from typing- ok that’s a lie but it was still a buttload of work I was not enjoying tremendously).

And THEN.  I get some people, which I then Google (of course).  And then I tell them what I think, and they respond to their parents and tell them to coordinate with me to actually meet in person.  It’s like swiping right and left on Tinder, except…verbally in the car with your parents.  Which sounds really strange I guess, but really, you’re playing hot or not with your friends, and I’m playing…hot or not plus Russian Roulette (sans loaded gun?) Something like that.  Haven’t worked out the analogy yet, but I feel like we’re onto some next level dating ish right here.

To be fair, I seriously can’t complain.  Yet.  Because I mean hey, if your parents want to online date MY parents, and then if THOSE dates work out then their kids can meet and then date in real life, who am I to stop (Tamil/Iyengar/Brahmin) love at work?

The jury is still out.  We shall see how what happens next.