It’s that time again when I go after something that I really want to be doing. Only to be mildly disappointed. It’s not exactly disappointed but more…ok. That’s cool. I’m doing this thing. Now what?
I’ve always wanted to take more intense dance courses, and now that I”m doing it, I really wonder why I’m doing it. I mean it’s great because I’m learning a lot, but at the end of the day, what am I trying to do here? I spend about 20 hours a week on dance. Which really cuts in to the pretty minimal personal time I used to have. Oh and there’s this thing called sleep. Sometimes I forget that exists. And I was just getting to the point where I was learning to enjoy eating food- and not just wishing I could inject it like a heroine junkie.
I think what really kills me is that I was just getting into a good routine with work and everything else. And the minute that starts going well, I feel the need to introduce this new thing into the mix. Because otherwise that would be too easy. Life would be too easy. I can’t be comfortable. No way. That’s not allowed.
So now that my life is crazy again, I have to find what works for me so I don’t feel on edge all the time.
Only to change it again in another 3 months when these classes end.
Sometimes I wonder what I’m doing with my life.
(And by sometimes, I mean at least 3-7 times a week).
So I Quit My Job and Moved to India 
I think having that level of self-awareness is itself a sign that life is progressing in a positive direction. I’ve recently been trying to move from the “realizing the big picture” tropes to trying to reconcile myself with the fact that contentment and gratefulness consist of a spectrum. We’ll never get to where we should be, but the act of examining our lives critically, even if that comes with a healthy dose of self-doubt, makes me, at least, value the little things in life more, stress less, and move in the right direction, whatever the hell that means. But I’m still trying to figure out which activities help me do that – reconnecting with old friends, reading up on world events/different cultures, going to the gym, having a drink. I’m hoping it’s less of the latter and more of the others, but time will tell…
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that whole time will tell thing…I think someone needs to invent the life Tivo 30 second live fast forward button.
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The world needs Life Tivo.
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YES
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I think it’s great your following your dreams! I think alot of times we think about what the next big thing is, or what we want or wish we could be doing. I often dream about studying dance more in depth. Good for you for doing it! It takes discipline! Focus on the now and live in your day to day moments. Dont forget to breathe!
Where are you studying dance? Are you still in India? I am looking for a dance training program there.
Joslyn
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