It’s really funny, I have always thought happiness was a moving target, but I suppose that means I think it’s a destination. Like if I GET there, everything will be ok. But that’s sort of like saying you believe in magic. Or at least magic bullets. Which doesn’t really make sense because if there is anything I’ve learned, there are no magic bullet solutions for anything.
So maybe we are thinking about this the wrong way. Maybe the point isn’t to strive for perfection. Or ok maybe it is, but maybe the point is that all the things you learn along the way are the important bits. The stress. The pain. The trials. The tribulations. It’s sort of like that sadistic pleasure you get when you are sore after a workout (ok maybe I’m the only insane one that gets really happy when I’m sore after I workout- it means things are HAPPENING).
I think what I need to learn is that magic doesn’t exist because somehow I have enough cash to pay my bills for the next month (yes, that was something I used to do- not look and pray that I would have enough- somehow it worked out), or magically the one thing that I want to buy… I win somewhere (yes, that happens sometimes- I swear I’m super lucky), or I randomly get…I don’t know, something else awesome. I can’t bank on that for my dose of magic. That’s just called stupidity. It’s like trying to get a hit off something that really isn’t reliable and doesn’t always exist.
I have a feeling it lies in the small details that I never pay attention to. Like…have you really thought about all the things that go into creating tiny humans (besides the whole sperm meeting egg bit, I think we all know the mechanics of that by now). But my friend is pregnant and she was telling me all the things happening to the baby over the past few months- it’s INSANE. HOW DOES THE HUMAN BODY DO THIS STUFF?! And the whole…nature thing. I never really paid attention to it, but it’s kind of crazy how all that works out. And music. Again, never really paid attention to it until I recently met a musician on the subway in New York and she was describing the history of music creation (and how MP3’s and digital music was killing actual live music/music appreciation). CRAZY STUFF. Sports was always something I loved, but haven’t got around to in a bit. But stuff like that. I think that’s where the real magic is.
I don’t know. Just random thoughts.