#TheDatingDiaries : Love Lessons From the 3rd Grade

I should have learned my lesson in the 3rd grade, it would have made life a lot easier I think.  There was this boy, Ricky Martinez, and I thought he was cute.  And so I told people.  Not in a gossipy way, but more in a like a, the sky is blue, the grass is green, Ricky Martinez is cute, do you want to go play tetherball now?  I really didn’t think it was a big deal.  But other people thought it was a big deal.  Especially other girls, they went around saying, oh my god Anu has a crush on Ricky Martinez! And I was thinking, yes, I think he is cute, so what?  Can we please get on with tetherball now?  (I really liked tetherball at the time).  And then in the 3rd grade we had to run for class governor (yes, they tried to teach us about the American political system at a very early age), and of course I wanted to run for governor.  And lo and behold, Ricky Martinez was on my campaign.  Except, me being me, I didn’t really think about it.  Ricky Martinez is on my campaign, why wouldn’t he be on my campaign?  I am going to run an awesome campaign, everyone should be on my campaign.  And then he started making posters which said “Vote for Anu, XOXO”.  Except the problem was that he didn’t know what XOXO meant.  Now if nobody knew what it meant we’d all be in the clear, but of course there’s always some smart alec in the class who spreads the word that XOXO means hugs and kisses and it’s very obvious now that Ricky likes Anu.

Now I have no idea what happened after this, (obviously I was too busy wondering if I had enough glitter and crayons to make all the posters I needed to cover the classroom) but all I know is that a week later, Ricky Martinez was not on my campaign, and he was making posters for my competition (sans XOXO).  And then I lost.  I was sad.  Maybe a little about Ricky Martinez.  But mostly about the fact I wasn’t governor.  AND I used all my glitter and crayons for next few months.

I guess I don’t really know the moral of the story.  Maybe it’s that people take all of this “I love you” and “relationship” stuff pretty seriously.  And apparently I can’t go around telling people that I like them.  Or love them (God forbid).  Or you know.  Anything romantic-y in nature.  In general.  Because apparently I do that.  And apparently it’s not ok.  I don’t really know.

I think I feel just as oblivious and lost and confused as I did back in 3rd grade.

I can’t believe I’m expected to know about these things.  Eesh.

Dear world.

Please don’t expect me to know about these things.  They make no sense to me.



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