I think I’ve written about this, but I was basically experimenting with trying to live alone on a proverbial island. No man is an island – but maybe women can be? I didn’t want to rely on anyone or anything and just hack it on my own. And I realized that was possible, it just wasn’t optimal.
I now know how I hacked college. It was so tough. I sucked at everything and I thought I was the stupidest person in the world. I would break down like no other (definitely in the beginning, and I just got used to it by the end), but I never felt like it was all over. And I saw people around me doing that, and feeling like that and I thought it was ridiculous. Because I always had perspective. I always knew that there were things outside college – there was this thing called life! And I knew that you didn’t have to be good at school to be good at life (My favorite quote from one of my awesome civil engineering friends, Nalat) That stuck with me, and I learned that early on, and that’s how I survived the hell which was undergraduate engineering education. I had a dream, and I knew that’s what I wanted to do.
And then I did it, I started living my dream, and 3 years later, I lost perspective. And I was unhappy
But that’s it- right? I think life is all about finding perspective. Whatever you’re doing, you need perspective
I always had perspective in college, that’s what helped me get through tough times without feeling super depressed. Some people get perspective through travel or new experiences. I realized I get perspective from people. Meeting new people, hanging out with my favorite people, and just…being reminded that there are other things out there, and it never gets too bad, and you always have other options. I guess I was in denial about it (no really, I CAN be a robot!), and then angry about it, and then I accepted it, and now I’m doing something about it. I’m finally getting around to making my life in India- filled with people that I love and care about. And that makes me so happy.
I’m one of those people that runs away when I feel too caged in. When I feel like I don’t have options, and when things are making me unhappy. (Yeah, commitment phoebe much?) But it’s different when you realize you ALWAYS have a choice. And you have people in your life that will help you through and will love you no matter what. And even better, people who are just like you, who feel just as weird as you feel MOST of the time (you feel like an alien species TOO?! YES! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!)
And maybe it’s all about finding those people and making sure to spend quality time with them (on at least a monthly basis)
Because after those sessions, life just starts to make sense again. And you feel like hey, I can do this. Things aren’t too bad. Bring it on world
It’s just strange when you realize it took you 3 years to figure out something that was staring you in the face this whole time
What can I say- I’m just a stubborn git sometimes.
Well whatever it is, I think I’m moving in the right direction, stubbornness and all