When You Try To Be Happy

It’s interesting when you have epiphanies while walking along the beach with your grandfather

I feel like my life has been segmented into phases.  Maybe that’s just in my head, but it’s there all the same.  Life before NextDrop, was all about other people.  It was about meeting new people, hanging out with other people, learning from other people.  All in all, enjoying the world.  And I was happy.  Up until a point.

And then there was NextDrop, and it was all about me.  Working on what I wanted to work on, whenever I wanted to work on it, reading as much as possible, solving these awesome problems, and creating things that I never thought I could make.  And I was happy. Up until a point.

And now there’s now.  When I think it’s time to do both.  I found these two distinct things that make me happy, and now it’s about joining them together.  A marriage of two worlds I suppose.

I remember my first grade birthday party- it was so crazy because I remember there were school friends and family friends together in my house and it really freaked me out.  I couldn’t comprehend the idea of both of my worlds colliding under one roof, it was literally blowing my mind.  I really enjoy compartmentalizing things- there’s a time and a place for everything.  At least if I had my way, that’s the way the world would operate.

But I don’t think life is like that.  At least if you’re trying to be the happiest you can be, I don’t think its like that.

My very wise roommate advised me that things aren’t black and white.  It’s always, always in the grey.  Grey matter.  And I think that’s where we find the most happiness.  In the grey matter.

I think finding the grey matter, and digging through the grey matter is always messy.  It’s always easier if you’re operating in the black or the white.  But if you work on it enough, I think that’s when you hit your stride.  That’s when doing both becomes effortless.  I think that’s when you really find…you.  What it truly means to be you.  And then you practice doing that every day, so it really doesn’t take much work anymore.

And then maybe one day you wake up and you think wow.  This is life.  It’s really a just a ton of amazing moments strung together by time.

And I think maybe that’s when you realize your life, fulfilled.