It’s been a week since I went on vacation, and that’s about the time I start coming to conclusions about things/the way I feel about stuff.
Realization 1: Vacations are incredibly important. There were so many things that I was doing, which, in retrospect, were just plain dumb. But spending time with friends (outside of work), and completely pulling myself out of my regular life for a bit was exactly what I needed to see the things that need to change in my life. So now, I’m going to try and schedule a getaway every month. I’m going to make it a priority, because true clarity comes when you disconnect
Realization 2: I have this great quality of being able to work/exist under pretty much any circumstance and be happy/make the most of it, and I have this horrible quality of not thinking about how things could be better (and being ok with what I think is good enough/passable). They are two sides to the same coin, since I truly believe everyone’s strength is also a weakness. I need to stop accepting situations as they are, and ask myself, how can this be better? Because EVERYTHING can be better, and I hate to admit it, but it’s true (because subconsciously I think I’m being too demanding and ungrateful, but that’s just the way you have to be). Everything in moderation of course, but this is what I want to work on.
Realization 3: I love looking at home furnishings. It’s really embarrassing to admit, and it’s sad that it’s embarrassing. Why should I feel embarrassed about it? I was thinking about it, and I think it’s because growing up, my mom was into practicality, and functionality. I also grew up with all guy cousins who made fun of anything I did that was remotely girly (i.e. even mentioning clothing was enough to start the peanut gallery). My aunt was really into that sort of stuff, so I always liked hanging out with her, but the whole family made fun of us. In conclusion, I think subconsciously I was molded to think that design/girly things were bad. So I blame upbringing. (Yes, finger pointing is ALWAYS the mature way to go). Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Point is I realize I like doing it, I like reading about it, and I want to do it more. Luckily, I get to furnish my new kickass house (yes, I found a place in Hubli that’s awesome). I’m building my dream home, including a memory foam bed, air conditioning, and a flat screen TV with every channel possible (which, as it turns out, will only cost me $10 a month! FOR HBO! THIS IS INSANE! I LOVE INDIA!) Also, I may be getting a custom made sofa for cheaper than I can get a manufactured one. HELL yeah. (Did I mention I heart India?)
Realization 4: Sometimes you have to lose yourself to find yourself. That sounded more profound and abstract and emo than I meant it to. But that’s the gist of it. When I was on vacation, I was questioning everything- who am I? What do I like? What makes me happy? The fact is, I have answers to those things! It’s just that most of those things I can’t/don’t do in India. Doesn’t mean I don’t know what they are- I do. Really good games of pickup basketball make me happy. Going out and dancing makes me happy. Hanging out with friends from High School/College makes me happy. Watching NBA basketball with my family makes me happy. And those are things I do not do in India. So I do know myself, I just don’t know my India self. I’m trying to figure out if I can get Indian substitues for those things (maybe instead of basketball, I can learn about interior design? Pick up something random like DJing?) I don’t know. I haven’t figured that part out yet. But it made me feel better realizing that I hadn’t wasted the last 25 years of my life (I just don’t know the answers in the Indian context). No big. I’ll figure it out.
Realization 5: I need to hit the weight room. There’s no way around it. I was way into the whole workout DVD thing (me and Jillian Michaels were indeed bff’s for a while), but now I realize weight training is where it’s at. Hey, maybe I used weights that were too light. But whatever it is, workout DVDs just don’t cut it. I need real weights (i.e. we’re talking more than 10-15 lbs here). This is because since coming to India, I’ve lost anywhere from 10-20 pounds. And no, this is not fat- it’s muscle. Man, I used to be so cut. I remember back in the glory days of Sophomore/Junior year of college, I would spend about 20 hours/week at the gym (alternating between playing pickup basketball, and weight lifting). I felt good. I want to do that again (maybe not the basketball part, or the 20 hr/week part, but definitely the weight training/feeling good part). Muscle mass is important because it weighs more than fat, keeps you from looking anorexic, and makes you stay healthy. It’s a good thing.
Anyway, that was the mental debris for the day
But I think the END end realization is that…Life is pretty damn good. Because if you realize something, you can always go about changing it. And that, my friends, is the most powerful thing ever.
Have an awesome Sunday