It’s been a while, and there’s a lot to write about. But I’m now back in the US for a few weeks for the holidays- and it has given me a chance to reflect on my time in India thus far (well, that and my inability to sleep due to jet lag).
Can I believe it’s been 5 months since I quit my job and moved to India? Yes, I can. But not in a bad way. I feel like…time didn’t fly, but it didn’t crawl either. It’s funny- usually people use that phrase “time flew by” in a good way. But to me, that just means that you didn’t actually stop and process what was actually going on around you. In my life back in the US, my time used to fly by- but that was during the phase in my life when I wanted to pack as much into a day as possible to prevent myself from actually stopping to think about things- and think about life. That was during the period when I thought less thinking and more doing would fill holes and gaps. In my new life, I actually hold back, and live- day to day. And I must say, there are definitely fewer voids.
It’s also funny- being back in the US makes me realize how happy I am with my new life in India. Being back home in Southern California is almost like a time machine- I remember all the things I used to think and feel growing up. I remember the dreams I had, the things I wanted to do, the person I wanted to become. I don’t think I’ve fully come face to face with all of it (I’ve done a decent job avoiding it all these years), but I’m slowly going through the process.
Honestly, I still haven’t processed the fact that I DON”T have to go back to a job, doing something I don’t want to be doing after the New Year. I still haven’t processed the fact that I am living the life I want to be living, and becoming the person I wanted to become. The fact that I get PAID to do the job I do- that it is a legitimate career (and not some random college project with an end date anymore)- is mind blowing to me.
So back to the question- what does it feel like 5 months into it? I guess…I don’t know HOW to feel. Confused? Shocked? Blessed? Happy? Content?
I think the best answer is that my new life in India is helping me find…me. I don’t think any of us are drastically different, but I think that sometimes, removing yourself from one environment and transplanting yourself into another gives you the opportunity to find the undiluted version of yourself. Which is exactly what I get to do in India- live my life to the fullest- on my own terms.